Missing You, Nicole <3


I have been crying for the past hour thinking about this post, let alone writing it.


Nicole Hunter-Mostafa has been gone for a year as of today, Allah yarhamha.  365 days without her light on this earth.

When I think of her, the only words I can get out are “GOD, I LOVED HER.”

And, I really did.  I think of her every time I see anything here in Riyadh that reminds me of her.

The restaurants we went to together.  The Kingdom Tower she always photographed.  And old Saudi couple holding hands.  Just, everything…

And then I start to feel guilty for this pain.  I realize her amazing mother, who she loved more than anything, and her sweet father, who she absolutely adored more than anything and couldn't stop telling stories about, and her perfect children, who she also loved more than anything, and her husband, who she loved more than the entire world, are going through such a deeper, harder pain.

I’m ashamed to tell you this.  Nicole was the first person in my entire life that when I knew she was dying I prayed to God to take me instead.  I prayed for it because I knew she had this incredible love for her family and this amazing spirit that deserved to be here.  The world NEEDED her. The world still needs her.  Unfortunately, we didn’t deserve her.  She was literally too good for us. I’ve never met someone so pure.  I feel guilty being here without her.  

Ya Nicole:

We miss you.  

We miss you.  We miss you.  We miss you.

I miss you.

You should see how much this place has changed, subhanAllah! Saudi is so much more open minded.  On National Day there was a mini rave! Women are going to be driving.  It’s improving, and yet… you’re not here to celebrate in it.  It makes it feel like all of these victories are not quite as sweet.

Your death is an absolute tragedy, but you were too good for this place anyways. 

Thank you.  Thank you for making the world so much better.  Thank you for choosing to always be positive.  Thank you for sharing your life and your family with us.  Thank you for sharing your beautiful memory with us.  Thank you for your daughters who will no doubt be as fierce as you.  Your passing introduced me to you absolutely LOVELY mother and the rest of your family. Thank you for all of your words and all of your time that you selflessly gave us.

Most of all, thank you for being an amazing friend and an even better role model.  

I never look at the NJHM together on my keyboard in a little square without thinking of you.

May Allah (swt) grant you the absolute highest level in Paradise.  Hope we can be neighbors there to catch up <3



P.S.: Please don't forget to continue reading her blog to keep her memory alive: The Same Rainbows End